- Try to recognize how Iām feeling. Donāt hide from the stress. Confront my frustrations. Consider how I react to myself and other people when overwhelmed. Try again if I slip up.
- Get better at respecting the limitations I impose on my social media time.
- Learn and become adept at Swift.
- Continue watching loads of movies.
- Work on planning my honeymoon.
- Read more fun books.
- Devote more time to connecting with people on Micro.blog.
- Say yes to more things and, conversely, say no to more things.
- Improve my sleep schedule.
- Get more fresh air in my lungs.
- Endeavor to lose weight.
- Find a satisfying job.
- Further explore the world of transcendent music.
- Continue to work on understanding how Iām feeling.
-
If you know more than I do currently, then perhaps he is gone and Iām looking like quite the fool. I suppose Iāll find out soon enough. ↩︎
- Buy a new ceiling fan.
- Notice a few of the fan blades are damaged.
- Call customer support for new blades.
- Get new blades a week later.
- Install fan for an annoyingly long and sweaty time.
- After finishing, notice that the replacement blades are shorter than they should be.
- Collapse into a sad, defeated heap on the floor.
No pressure, 2023
i.
It took me longer than Iād care to admit that my 2022 was actually a rewarding year filled with accomplishments. I spent the first several months wallowing in a funk of my own making. The pernicious ability of those self-made funks blinds any who suffer through them from realizing objective truth. While you could be having the best year ever, the funk will darken your skies and spew bile all over your victories. Itās a deadly beast with razor claws and a hunger for happiness.
I say, āScrew that funk!ā Whatās it ever really done for anyone? Itās high time that I shout out that 2022 was, on the whole, a success. I may not have achieved everything I set out to do in my Year of Just a Little Bit Happier, but I did live up to the name of my chosen theme: I am just a little bit happier.
It took a lot of work to get there, and Iād be remiss if I didnāt acknowledge how helpful itās been to start seeing a doctor regularly again and getting on an effective antidepressant. Thank you, escitalopram! If someone had asked me about taking such a medication at this time last year, I probably would have given it a thoughtful brush-off. Iām glad that I realized how helpful it could be. I wonāt give it credit for everythingāI think Iāve done some positive workābut itās been a helpful tool.
As always, this is a journey Iām on, and I donāt think there will ever be a lasting destination, but Iām taking positive steps.
ii.
At the beginning of last year, I endeavored to bring positivity back into my life. I figured that positivity would breed happiness within myself. Such a simple math equation wasnāt going to shake the world, but it worked out for me. I had a long list of ideas I wanted to try out that would shape the overall structure of last year. Letās grade them now.
Success! This will be a never-ending process, but at least Iām starting to consider whatās going on inside my mind a lot more than I ever did before. I need to keep this one up.
Success! Iāve gotten this down to an acceptable level, i.e., nearly nothing. Itās had the most profound effect on my life. As much as possible, Iād like to get ānearly nothingā down to zero.
Failure. Learning how to program has been difficult for me. I donāt know if thatās because Iām having trouble comprehending its concepts or if itās just not for me.
Success! Last year, I watched three hundred and thirty-three films. Itās probably the most Iāve ever seen in a year, and Iām proud of this accomplishment; movies are an essential part of my life. I may not go for a similar number this year, but Iāll be watching a lot of interesting stories.
Failure. My honeymoon continues to be a victim of COVID. Itās hard to think about such a grand undertaking when thereās still such a great health risk. Since this illness will go away, Iām going to have to learn to be okay with traveling again.
Success! What a success! Since I started tracking how many books I read each year, the most I ever achieved was twelve. Last year, I read thirty-two. Reading has always been a passion, so Iām thrilled with how this went. I attribute this number to my decreased time on social media.
Failure. Objectively, I didnāt do well with this at all. Frankly, I donāt feel too bad about it. I love everyone on Micro.blog, but removing social media from my life means Iām missing out on half of the experience there. At this point in my life, that feels like an acceptable trade-off. In a way, this failure is also a success.
Neutral. Honestly, we should all probably be saying no to more things. Time is precious. Iām going to keep practicing this one.
Neutral. I donāt often feel worn out, but my increasing number of afternoon naps probably says a lot.
Neutral. Not a failure, but Iād still like to spend more time outside (weather permitting).
iii.
I feel heartened by my progress with last yearās theme. I found a good direction in which to head, and Iād like to continue this positivity.
That said, there are still some aspects of my life that could use some adjusting. My focus on the areas listed above has meant that I lacked focus on other important parts. While mental health was an important consideration I was making last year, I let my physical health slip further. I may currently be in the worst physical shape of my life. Early 20s Sean would not be happy with mid-30s Sean. Heād probably also be running easy laps around my currently huffing self.
I need to adjust and fix that which has gotten out of balance.
With that in mind, Iāve decided that 2023 will be my Year of Recalibration. I will strive to improve a few key parts of my life that need to head back in the right direction. I wonāt have such a long list as last year. Honestly, I think I let it get out of hand. The relatively small number of goals Iāll focus on will be enough of a challenge.
iv.
Iām going to spend my recalibration year working on these areas:
Ideally, this will mean losing an average of a pound a week throughout 2023. If I can lose fifty-two pounds by the end of the year, then Iāll be ecstatic and proud of myself. As ever, the goal Iām setting isnāt a line drawn in the sand. I want to lose weight; the total amount isnāt the most important aspect.
Many of my mental health issues stem from my lack of a reliable and healthy income. This needs to change, both for my current well-being and my future financial security. If that can be done with a job thatās also personally fulfilling, then all the better.
Last year, I devoted a lot of time to watching great movies and tv shows and reading excellent books. Most of my listening time goes toward podcasts. But I also love music and would like to find more inspiring audio. If Iām going to pay so much for Apple Music every month, then I should get all I can out of the service.
This should go without saying, but itās an important reminder. I donāt want to squander what I accomplished last year by losing focus on what I feel and how I react to the world around me.
Last year has passed and another year is staring us straight in the face. Itās impossible to know what 2023 might bring us,1 but what we can do is try to make the most out of what happens. The hopeful guidelines of my theme this year will give me a good path to start following.
Hereās to a wonderful year for us all!
I canāt tell if the movies Iāve been watching lately are genuinely too long for their stories or if Iāve just been getting grumpier as I age.
My first bout of post-Thanksgiving food exercise this year wasā¦ Well, letās just say there was a lot of sweating and huffing involved.
The urge to join the crowd and sign up for an alternative social network was weirdly strong for a moment. Whatās more important is reminding myself that any social media is an exhausting thing for me.
I donāt need another place on which to waste my time. Iād rather read a book!
One of the worst things about Musk, an increasingly despicable person, buying Twitter, an already terrible place, is the amount of news stories that pop up whenever anything related to either happens. Anecdotally, Iād give a conservative estimate of a 1,000% increase in them.
Regal Closes 12 U.S. Cinemas As Parent Cineworld Grapples With Bankruptcy ā
Iām extremely sad to see the Anaheim Hills 14 location listed among the places thatāll be closing soon. It was one of a small but dearly loved selection of theaters in which Iāve spent a significant amount of my life (and money). My dad used to take me there all the time when I was younger. I eventually started bringing friends there with me, turning them into diehard fans of the location in turn.
Iām not super surprised by this news, though. That place was always stuck in the past, decor- and technology-wise. But I saw that as part of its charm. It still had the carpet, upholstery, and pink-blue neon of old, back when all of the Regal cinemas around here were known as Edwards. Take a look at this blast from the past. Curiously, this location retained its āEdwards Cinemasā sign on the outside of the building.
This particular location had a fun layout. From the edges of its expansive foyer, with a large concession area smack dab in the middle, branched off two hallways. These led to all of the screens, seven on each side. The hallway walls were covered in mirrors extending from waist level to the ceiling. Each hallway ended in a smaller room (tiny foyers?) that was filled with tables and the sort of ill-advised candy machines that go KA-CHUNK-CHUNK when fed quarters. Each of these smaller rooms had an additional screen-spotted hallway that ran along the outside walls of the building. It felt like traversing through a fun and easy maze to get to your movie.
Despite my reluctance to go to a theater these days, Iām still very sad to see this one go. Itās an important piece of my history that will live only in my sweet memories.
Hereās to you, Anaheim Hills 14!
I got harassed for wearing a mask for the first time today by exactly the sort of science-denying, flag-based-propaganda-on-a-shirt-wearing jerk that you may be picturing in your head.
āYou can take that thing off. Itās over!ā he said as if I had asked for his opinion.
I hope that whatever mosquito is currently living in my home is enjoying the endless feast that is my feet and legs. Iāve hardly seen so many red, itchy spots!
I canāt complain when Spectrum increases my internet download speed by 100 Mbps for free, but man, theyāll do anything to avoid installing gigabit fiber in my area.
I woke up to a rude and unwanted surprise this morning which made me immediately think of a previous post where I was dealing with the exact same rude and unwanted surprise. Iād like a year (or lifetime) of no terrible surprises, please.
Itās always a good day when you can wake up early in the morning, have blood drawn, and not pass out in front of a group of concerned phlebotomists.
Iāve only done that once (clammy skin, woozy brain, head banging on the edge of the table), but thatās enough for one lifetime.
It made me sad to see what happened to Gregory the gargoyle in the second episode of The Sandman. A very sweet, loving, and playful as a puppy creature sacrifices its own life, much to the great sorrow of its caretakers, Cain and Abel, to provide Dream with some power to find his stolen tools, i.e., his punch of sand, his helmet, and his ruby.
I have yet to finish the graphic novels, but as far as I can tell, Gregory doesnāt ever die in the original books. Heās allowed to continue living with Cain and Abel, along with a new gargoyle named Goldie (but actually secretly Irving). Perhaps he might in a later issue, but thereās nothing to suggest this.1
Seeing this tragic scene play out in the show was distressing. Not enough for me to stop watching it, mind you; give me as much Neil Gaiman as you can, please. But in the short time Gregory is on-screen, he became a quick favorite. Heās just so dang lovable! Itās clear he brought much joy to those around him.
His sacrifice is graceful and noble, but it didnāt need to happen. That moment would still have worked had Dream taken back any other thing he gave to Cain and Abel, as happens in the book. Instead, the show knowingly hurt both its characters and, Iām betting, large swaths of its audience. It was an effective manipulation. Moments before the terrible death, Gregory was seen joyfully bouncing about and playing with a ball in front of a large, handmade gargoyle house. The showās creators wanted the audience to see dog-like qualities. What are dogs if not playful, loyal, and easily loved? Who wouldnāt despair seeing something dog-like disappear forever?
Since watching that episode, this sad moment has stuck with me. The cruelty felt immense and unnecessary, made real only to hurt.
Iāll admit that this whole thing is silly at its core: Gregory, or any living gargoyle, is not real. Iām being deeply affected by a made-up creature in a made-up television show. Gregory can never die if he never actually existed. But Iāve gotten to a point in my life where I canāt forget or ignore this sort of pain so easily, no matter how fabricated it might be. This sort of cruelty is not something I want to witness because I know how I respond to it.
I should have checked in on the valuable site Does the Dog Die before watching this show. I was foolish not to; this heartache could have been prevented. I also encourage anybody who may feel like I do about this subject matter to also regularly visit the site. Theyāre doing good and helpful work.
In the meantime, Iām going to continue enjoying The Sandman (it has truly been excellent), but Iām sure Iāll be on edge from now on.
I would happily trade my tinnitus for hearing the world as if everything was recorded for an independent French film from the 1960s.
In the unending war against visual wire clutter on my desk, Iāve just lobbed a volley of under-desk clamp-on cord organizers.
It is unknown what the wires will do in response to this advancement.
I remain steadfast and committed to being victorious in this regard.
On one hand, becoming Dr. Manhattan sounds like it would be a great and terrible burden.
On the other hand, think of all the quiet rest I could enjoy! Just me hanging out in the happy face crater on Mars without a care or stitch of clothing in the universe.
Setting off a bunch of fireworks in a neighborhood that borders a national park in the middle of an ongoing Southern California drought seemsā¦ Letās say irresponsible at best.
The people in my area are doing nothing to decrease the anxiety I feel on this holiday.
If my terrible neighbors are any indication, riding a dirt bike is 1% actually riding the thing and 99% revving it in place for hours like some sort of drunk, deaf monster.
My Vasectomy (and Why It Continues to Be the Right Choice)
i.
In November 2019, I got a vasectomy because my wife and I didnāt want to have children.
More than ever now, weāre certain that this was the right choice.
We both donāt want her to ever deal with any government or man who erroneously thinks they have a say in what she does with her body.
This was the responsible thing for us to do then, and it sure as hell is now. It can be for you, too. If you have a penis, then you can do something to help carry the weight of reproductive health issues. For yourself and for any partner you may have now or in the future, this is a safe and effective way to step up.
ii.
By the time the day came, the entire procedure was done in about an hour. I took a pill to help me with some of the anxiety I was feeling. In the room, I undressed, put on a gown, and got comfortable on the padded table. They sterilized the area and got to it.
The first numbing injection they gave me at the site of the operation was the only major discomfort. After that, I could hardly feel a thing. Smelling my vas deferens being cauterized wasnāt pleasant, but whatever. That was never going to be a great thing. They snipped, clipped, and sealed those tubes shut. They did both sides and stitched me up.
The doctor was efficient, completely capable, and happy to talk through the whole procedure with me.
I felt discomfort in the area for a few days after, but it was nowhere near what any tv show, movie, or uninformed gossip might lead you to believe. I took a couple of Tylenol about three or four times a day for the next few days and was fine. In fact, it was great to have an excuse to do nothing for a weekend but watch fun movies.
A few months later, a lab told me there was no more sperm in a semen sample I gave them, and that was that. A couple of years later and I canāt even tell where the scrotal incision was made.
This was all 100% covered by my insurance. All I paid for was the athletic supporter I had to wear for a couple of weeks.
Planned Parenthood has a great and more thorough explanation of what a vasectomy is and what you can expect from the procedure.
iii.
Considering the very invasive surgery needed to sterilize someone with a uterus, this was a relatively insignificant process, both in the procedure and the effect on my body.
The benefits have been enormous. Removing the ever-present background concern of failing contraception was enough to make it worth getting a vasectomy. It has not negatively impacted my body or my marriage in any way. There has only been positivity surrounding this choice.
If youāre ready and able to support a child for their entire life, then this probably isnāt for you right now. If youāre done having children or if you donāt want to raise a child for any reason, then a vasectomy is a simple procedure that I highly encourage. If youāve already gotten one, hello sterile friend! š
Remember: This is about stepping up, being supportive, and taking responsibility for your part in the reproductive process. And now itās especially important.
Itās days like these that I wish with all my heart to have been born in a country that cares about its citizens, or that it was immensely easier to become part of one.
I continue to hope that love and good will prevail here, but hate-filled people are making it so tough.
Always great to find out that the new networking equipment you just purchased fixes all of your home internet issues. My latency was monstrousāIām talking 1476 ms pings.
If I never have to use another Spectrum-provided modem again, itāll be too soon for me.
How does one go about enacting a no-airplane region over their house and neighboring area? Put up big āFLY SOMEWHERE ELSEā signs? Write to my congressperson? Something, something Kickstarter?
I sure could use a lot more quiet around here.
I often try to think about what I can do to make the world a better place.
I was reminded of a serious problem recently: Why donāt the number of hot dog buns in a package ever match the number of hot dogs you can get? Six buns to eight dogs? Madness.
What better way to improve the world than create a company that ends this madness once and for all? Coming soon: The eight bun package! Sure to revolutionize barbecues everywhere and make the world just a little bit nicer.
In terms of the longest and most intimate relationships Iāve ever had, the one that takes the cake has got to be my tinnitus.
My wife isnāt really a jealous person, but still, nobody tell her about it.