No pressure, 2023

    i.

    It took me longer than Iā€™d care to admit that my 2022 was actually a rewarding year filled with accomplishments. I spent the first several months wallowing in a funk of my own making. The pernicious ability of those self-made funks blinds any who suffer through them from realizing objective truth. While you could be having the best year ever, the funk will darken your skies and spew bile all over your victories. Itā€™s a deadly beast with razor claws and a hunger for happiness.

    I say, ā€œScrew that funk!ā€ Whatā€™s it ever really done for anyone? Itā€™s high time that I shout out that 2022 was, on the whole, a success. I may not have achieved everything I set out to do in my Year of Just a Little Bit Happier, but I did live up to the name of my chosen theme: I am just a little bit happier.

    It took a lot of work to get there, and Iā€™d be remiss if I didnā€™t acknowledge how helpful itā€™s been to start seeing a doctor regularly again and getting on an effective antidepressant. Thank you, escitalopram! If someone had asked me about taking such a medication at this time last year, I probably would have given it a thoughtful brush-off. Iā€™m glad that I realized how helpful it could be. I wonā€™t give it credit for everythingā€”I think Iā€™ve done some positive workā€”but itā€™s been a helpful tool.

    As always, this is a journey Iā€™m on, and I donā€™t think there will ever be a lasting destination, but Iā€™m taking positive steps.

    ii.

    At the beginning of last year, I endeavored to bring positivity back into my life. I figured that positivity would breed happiness within myself. Such a simple math equation wasnā€™t going to shake the world, but it worked out for me. I had a long list of ideas I wanted to try out that would shape the overall structure of last year. Letā€™s grade them now.

    • Try to recognize how Iā€™m feeling. Donā€™t hide from the stress. Confront my frustrations. Consider how I react to myself and other people when overwhelmed. Try again if I slip up.

    Success! This will be a never-ending process, but at least Iā€™m starting to consider whatā€™s going on inside my mind a lot more than I ever did before. I need to keep this one up.

    • Get better at respecting the limitations I impose on my social media time.

    Success! Iā€™ve gotten this down to an acceptable level, i.e., nearly nothing. Itā€™s had the most profound effect on my life. As much as possible, Iā€™d like to get ā€œnearly nothingā€ down to zero.

    • Learn and become adept at Swift.

    Failure. Learning how to program has been difficult for me. I donā€™t know if thatā€™s because Iā€™m having trouble comprehending its concepts or if itā€™s just not for me.

    • Continue watching loads of movies.

    Success! Last year, I watched three hundred and thirty-three films. Itā€™s probably the most Iā€™ve ever seen in a year, and Iā€™m proud of this accomplishment; movies are an essential part of my life. I may not go for a similar number this year, but Iā€™ll be watching a lot of interesting stories.

    • Work on planning my honeymoon.

    Failure. My honeymoon continues to be a victim of COVID. Itā€™s hard to think about such a grand undertaking when thereā€™s still such a great health risk. Since this illness will go away, Iā€™m going to have to learn to be okay with traveling again.

    • Read more fun books.

    Success! What a success! Since I started tracking how many books I read each year, the most I ever achieved was twelve. Last year, I read thirty-two. Reading has always been a passion, so Iā€™m thrilled with how this went. I attribute this number to my decreased time on social media.

    • Devote more time to connecting with people on Micro.blog.

    Failure. Objectively, I didnā€™t do well with this at all. Frankly, I donā€™t feel too bad about it. I love everyone on Micro.blog, but removing social media from my life means Iā€™m missing out on half of the experience there. At this point in my life, that feels like an acceptable trade-off. In a way, this failure is also a success.

    • Say yes to more things and, conversely, say no to more things.

    Neutral. Honestly, we should all probably be saying no to more things. Time is precious. Iā€™m going to keep practicing this one.

    • Improve my sleep schedule.

    Neutral. I donā€™t often feel worn out, but my increasing number of afternoon naps probably says a lot.

    • Get more fresh air in my lungs.

    Neutral. Not a failure, but Iā€™d still like to spend more time outside (weather permitting).

    iii.

    I feel heartened by my progress with last yearā€™s theme. I found a good direction in which to head, and Iā€™d like to continue this positivity.

    That said, there are still some aspects of my life that could use some adjusting. My focus on the areas listed above has meant that I lacked focus on other important parts. While mental health was an important consideration I was making last year, I let my physical health slip further. I may currently be in the worst physical shape of my life. Early 20s Sean would not be happy with mid-30s Sean. Heā€™d probably also be running easy laps around my currently huffing self.

    I need to adjust and fix that which has gotten out of balance.

    With that in mind, Iā€™ve decided that 2023 will be my Year of Recalibration. I will strive to improve a few key parts of my life that need to head back in the right direction. I wonā€™t have such a long list as last year. Honestly, I think I let it get out of hand. The relatively small number of goals Iā€™ll focus on will be enough of a challenge.

    iv.

    Iā€™m going to spend my recalibration year working on these areas:

    • Endeavor to lose weight.

    Ideally, this will mean losing an average of a pound a week throughout 2023. If I can lose fifty-two pounds by the end of the year, then Iā€™ll be ecstatic and proud of myself. As ever, the goal Iā€™m setting isnā€™t a line drawn in the sand. I want to lose weight; the total amount isnā€™t the most important aspect.

    • Find a satisfying job.

    Many of my mental health issues stem from my lack of a reliable and healthy income. This needs to change, both for my current well-being and my future financial security. If that can be done with a job thatā€™s also personally fulfilling, then all the better.

    • Further explore the world of transcendent music.

    Last year, I devoted a lot of time to watching great movies and tv shows and reading excellent books. Most of my listening time goes toward podcasts. But I also love music and would like to find more inspiring audio. If Iā€™m going to pay so much for Apple Music every month, then I should get all I can out of the service.

    • Continue to work on understanding how Iā€™m feeling.

    This should go without saying, but itā€™s an important reminder. I donā€™t want to squander what I accomplished last year by losing focus on what I feel and how I react to the world around me.

    Last year has passed and another year is staring us straight in the face. Itā€™s impossible to know what 2023 might bring us,1 but what we can do is try to make the most out of what happens. The hopeful guidelines of my theme this year will give me a good path to start following.

    Hereā€™s to a wonderful year for us all!


    1. Please, please, please no more Twitter nonsense. ↩︎

    So long 2021, and thanks for all the memories!

    i.

    When all of this COVID nonsense became A Thing back in early 2020, a part of me felt like I already had it in the bag. Stay home most of the time? Distance from others and wear a mask when I do go out? Wonder why more people in the world werenā€™t taking it as seriously as they should? Heck yeah! Perhaps Iā€™ve been well-suited for pandemic life this whole time and just havenā€™t had the opportunity to prove it. Now is the time for this introverted homebody to shine!

    I think I did okay in 2020.

    I wasnā€™t prepared for my quiet working days at home to become noisier when family members were instructed to stop going to their respective offices, but I adjusted. Moving in with my then-fiancĆ©e and then marrying her soon after helped a whole lot. I got into a groove and did all right for myself. 2020 was a success, all things considered.

    2021 was a different beast.

    At the beginning of the year, I resolved to understand myself better. I think I accomplished that goal, but not quite in the way I was hoping. I envisioned becoming the best version of myself that I could be.1 Mostly, I now understand that Iā€™m struggling. Whereas 2020 was a novelty, the following year was a whole lot more of the same. More isolation, more frustration, and more worry. Itā€™s a lot for a person to take, no matter how much they like pajamas and staying home.

    ii.

    Itā€™s been frustrating to see so many people suffer because of how a universal health emergency has been politicized, mocked, or otherwise ignored. I feel that my country led the charge in that respect, and thatā€™s embarrassing, to say the least.

    I feel sad and angry that members of my own family have refused to get the COVID vaccine (and others).

    I feel disgusted that the richest people in the world have only gotten richer when so many are struggling.

    I feel a sense of desperation to find a decent job that can be both enjoyable and help provide for my wife and myself.

    Itā€™s tough to avoid the myriad bad things that constantly threaten to capture my attention and make me feel lousy. News is important, but mostly sensationalized and depressing. Social media is full of algorithmically cultivated nonsense, and sometimes outright falsehoods. The worst among us also tend to be the loudest.

    Itā€™s… a lot. The anxiety, sadness, malaise, and worry Iā€™ve felt are not uncommon. I donā€™t wish those feelings on anybody else, but itā€™s safe to say that weā€™re all going through some shit right now.

    iii.

    In the last few years, Iā€™ve tried my hand at The Theme System. If I had to choose a theme that I wanted to follow this year, then I think it would be the Year of Just a Little Bit Happier. I think thatā€™s a reasonable theme/goal.

    Iā€™m going to strive to be just a little bit happier this year. Sometimes Iā€™ll fail at it and be miserable. Sometimes Iā€™ll be far more than just a little bit happier. Regardless, on average I want to try to bring more good things into my life so that I can feel just a little bit happier than the day, week, month, and year before now. That also necessarily means that Iā€™ll need to get better at expelling the bad from my life.

    iv.

    COVID-related stress and its manifestations are being studied and talked about. Itā€™s a relief to know that Iā€™m not alone, and if youā€™ve been feeling how Iā€™ve described, know that youā€™re not alone either. Iā€™m struggling and many other people are, too. Thatā€™s okay.

    As for what I can do to be just a little bit happier, Iā€™ve got some ideas:

    • Try to recognize how Iā€™m feeling. Donā€™t hide from the stress. Confront my frustrations. Consider how I react to myself and other people when overwhelmed. Try again if I slip up.
    • Get better at respecting the limitations I impose on my social media time. Remove as many of those distractions as possible.
    • Learn and become adept at Swift. I took some tentative steps down this path late in the year and Iā€™m going to continue with it. I believe that becoming a programmer is how Iā€™ll be able to help provide for my wife and myself.
    • Continue watching loads of movies.2 This has always been an activity dear to me. I shared it with my dad and I continue to watch a lot of diverse and interesting things. Iā€™ve been enjoying them even more since finding Letterboxd.
    • Work on planning my honeymoon. Iā€™m not certain when weā€™ll be able to go on our European trip, but itā€™s still nice to think about.
    • Read more fun books.
    • Devote more time to connecting with people on Micro.blog. Communication on social media, even when itā€™s full of great people, is an exhausting practice for me. My presence anywhere online fluctuates like crazy because it can feel tough to keep up with. However, I like Micro.blog and want to become a better citizen there.
    • Say yes to more things and, conversely, say no to more things.
    • Improve my sleep schedule.
    • Get more fresh air in my lungs.

    Those all seem simple enough to accomplish. Itā€™ll just come down to putting in the time and effort. Luckily, Iā€™ve got many days ahead of me to practice.

    Iā€™m tentatively looking forward to what 2022 is going to bring. There could always be surprises or disasters. There could be Super COVID. An asteroid could hit the Earth. I could win a hundred million dollars. I canā€™t prevent those things from occurring,3 but I can choose how to respond to whatever happens. In that way, Iā€™ll be just a little bit happier.

    Letā€™s see how it goes.


    1. That was a silly goal, though. We should always strive to be better than we were before. Self-improvement shouldnā€™t have a finish line. ↩︎

    2. And tv shows, too. Letā€™s be real here. ↩︎

    3. Fingers crossed for all that sweet money! šŸ¤ž ↩︎

    My Year of Understanding

    i.

    Over the years, I’ve tried my hand at the Theme System. It was conceived by CGP Grey of YouTube fame and Myke Hurley of Relay FM fame. I first heard about it while listening to their Cortex podcast. The goal is to throw off the high-pressure, low-results shackles of annual resolutions and instead embrace, as they say, ā€œan idea of how we would like to approach each year or season.ā€

    I think it can be a stellar system if itā€™s done the right way. In fact, itā€™s quite hard to do the wrong way, which is nice. Instead of deciding on a single make-or-break goal to complete before the end of the year, you give yourself a guiding principle, or theme, to live by throughout the year. There are no other objectives than to do right by yourself, however that means to you.

    Want to live a year of less? Then feel good about cleaning out your closet, buying fewer things, or decreasing the amount of stress you have in your life.

    Think a year of gratitude is more up your alley? Be mindful of the things you appreciate and the people in your life.

    Or maybe itā€™s even something like a year of elevation. Raise the needy people around you, or heck, climb a few mountains.

    Whatever the case may be, try to adhere to these suggestions:

    • Make it meaningful and personal.
    • Keep it open-endedā€”you shouldnā€™t have a year of only learning a new language.
    • Keep track of your progress, however youā€™d like to do that.
    • Use your tracked progress to encourage you through the tough times.

    ii.

    I tried to live a Year of Growth in 2020. When I came up with the idea, I had my business in mind. I wanted to grow Dandy Cat, garner some attention, and start earning some money. In this way, I did not succeed at living a growth year. The business stagnated,1 and I didnā€™t grow its audience any larger than it already had been. That was a real disappointment.

    Itā€™s taken me a while to understand that a lack of growth in my business doesnā€™t mean I didnā€™t live a year of growth. Thatā€™s sort of the beautiful thing about the Theme System. It can be vague. Maybe not too vagueā€”there should be some measurable successā€”but pretty vague. My then-fiancĆ©e/now-wife and I moved in together. I learned a lot about my countryā€™s government.2 I started podcasting with a great friend of mine. If thatā€™s not growth, then I donā€™t know what is.

    Getting over the feeling that I didnā€™t live up to my hopes for the year is a hard thing to accomplish, though. I did a lot of great stuff, but I didnā€™t achieve what I was hoping for. Did I fail, though? Ultimately, no, I donā€™t think soā€”I did a lot of growing!

    Maybe I can consider coming to that realization a moment of growth. Hey, extra theme points coming in out of nowhere. Score!

    Iā€™m planning on making this year a different story.

    iii.

    2021 is my Year of Understanding.

    Last year was rough on just about everybody. I wish it could have been a lot better, but that just wasnā€™t in the cards for us. Instead, weā€™ve gotten a rampaging virus, shaky governments, and insane unemployment rates. Weā€™ve all had to face many tough truths about the world and the people in it. It was a banner year for getting smacked in the face by the cold, indifferent hand of the universe.

    2020 also gave us all the opportunity for self-reflection, and I hope you took the time to ask yourself some tough questions. Reflecting on the answers you give can allow you to learn more about yourself.

    I tried to take advantage of that tumultuous year to ask myself a few questions. These have been on my mind because theyā€™re the most important ones I need to answer at this point of my life. Theyā€™re also damn tough to crack, but Iā€™m going to give them a go. I want to answer those questions because I want to gain a greater understanding of the world and my place in it.

    To feel accomplished with my Year of Understanding, Iā€™m going to tackle at least four topics:

    • I want to understand what I want from my life more than I currently do. Who do I want to be in the future? What sort of work do I really want to do?
    • I want to understand my wife better. I think a relationship is a long voyage of understanding, but it still takes day-to-day effort. I want to be the best person I can be for her, so how do I do that?
    • I want to understand how to be a better, more patient son for my mom. Iā€™ve noticed that our relationship has gotten more combative over the years. I donā€™t like that, and I want it to improve.
    • How can I become more kind, understanding, and patient?

    Thereā€™s a lot I donā€™t understand about my life and the world. Usually, Iā€™ll just feel upset that I donā€™t have any answers. Iā€™ll also feel upset that I let my lack of understanding get to me. Itā€™s a pretty unpleasant cycle.

    Instead of just feeling frustrated about my ignorance, itā€™s important to do the harder work of learning about these issues. Gaining understanding without trying to earn it is a rare thing. Itā€™s not worth counting on. Instead, understanding is something that needs to be built, maintained, and allowed to flower.

    iv.

    My Year of Understanding may end up being a difficult one. Asking yourself tough questions and giving yourself tough answers is a hard thing to do. Most of the time, we donā€™t ever want to broach these subjects. Theyā€™re painful. Thereā€™s a fair chance theyā€™ll take the shine off the images we hold of ourselves.

    But what good is living in this world, and surrounding yourself with other people, if you donā€™t try to be better than you were before?

    I want to be a better person, and the first step I need to take is understanding myself more than I do now.


    1. Certainly, COVID didnā€™t help with anything. ↩︎

    2. Due, in large part, to it being run by sadistic lunatics who want to burn the whole thing down. Itā€™s hard not to pick up on names, events, and the workings associated with a government when thereā€™s a fresh catastrophe in the news every day. ↩︎